Are you in a relationship where sometimes things get so heated that a physical fight breaks out between you and your wife that leaves you wondering, ‘Why does my wife hit me?’
Conflicts between couples are quite common and also make an important part of the relationship dynamics.
When we get into conflict, the couple can get to know each other’s boundaries and values.
But in no way it means that the physical assault is acceptable, instead it can surely lead to the death of your relationship if it persists.
Therefore, if you are thinking why does my wife hit me and are keen on fixing your marriage, it’s vital to figure out the reasons for it to effectively tackle the problem before it’s too late.
So, stick with us as by the end of this article, you will know the most probable reasons your wife is hitting you and address the issue smoothly.
Why Does My Wife Hit Me
There could be infinite reasons you are having trouble with your wife. However, here we’ll cover the most probable ones which will enable you to understand the basic principle and mold it according to your case.
Now let’s dig why your wife hits you and settle the matter for good.
1. Your Wife Is a Sneaky Manipulator
Maybe your wife is a sneaky manipulator or a covert narcissist and you just fail to see behind her façade.
There’s a well-known strategy among the manipulators called ‘negative reinforcement’.
The idea of negative reinforcement is to indulge an individual into a hardship on purpose and then only lift it away when he agrees to your terms.
Sounds a bit complicated? Let’s understand it through an example.
If your wife has narcissistic tendencies and wants an unusual amount of attention, she might start hitting you on purpose, causing tantrums until you decide to just push everything aside and give her attention.
She causes you trouble on purpose and only stops when you agree to her terms it gives you a subconscious signal that giving her attention will stop her from hitting you.
Once this idea is deep-rooted in you, you’ll give her attention right away when she hits you. It sorts of becomes a routine thing.
She may even throw some cringe lines, ‘I just can’t live without having your attention’ but it will be her trick trying to justify her wrongdoings and cover her tracks.
Physical hitting is never an option, and no amount of desire to want more attention can prompt a person to such an act unless he’s a manipulator.
2. Your Wife Is Having a Hormonal Imbalance
Well let’s be honest, we can’t fight our human mechanics, and if your wife hits you, then the answer might just lie in it.
As we talk about the human body functions, your wife is no different from it and may have a lot of hormonal changes going on due to several things like stress, cycle, or other lifestyle changes.
These hormones when they get out of proportion can really mess up your mind and cause you to do things you wouldn’t have done otherwise.
And if your wife is having a hormonal imbalance, she may get really stressed, panicky, or frustrated.
And if she isn’t very resilient, her mood has a good chance of getting better of her and causing her to do odd things.
She may begin to cry, start tantrums, and even hit you under these circumstances.
3. Your Wife Had a Rough Childhood
You must have heard that early age is very sensitive for kids as their early experiences can have a huge effect on their later lives. Well, that’s true.
According to science, a child remains in hypnosis for the first 7 years of his life.
These years act like a sponge to him and whatever he might experience, it just gets accepted by his mind without much resistance.
And these experiences form your character and shape your personality majorly and you then begin to lead the life ahead with a lens of these early experiences.
Now coming back to your question, why does my wife hit me? If your wife had a rough childhood where she experienced a tense atmosphere, like her parents quarreling or faced bullying by her schoolmates, it would damage her personality considerably.
She might have adopted the view that people are abusive and would do you harm if you let your guard down. Now she sees everything from a very distorted and biased perspective.
Every little disagreement with you may seem like a betrayal to her. Every conflict feels as if everything is ruined for her.
Now to control all of these desperately, she creates more resistance and tension with you and when it keeps going on, she just gets enraged due to stress and goes blind to hit you.
However, your messed up childhood doesn’t grant you a certificate to damage other people and hit them, but if your wife is like this then she needs therapy to repair her old damages.
4. Your Wife Has an Impulsive Nature
It’s no surprise that not everyone is the same. Generally, introverts are people who are stoic in nature and not very sensitive to external stimuli while extroverts on the other generally have a low threshold for the same. They can get excited really quickly with little stimuli.
Also, some people can get way too excited in a particular situation and are likely to react to a great extent.
If your wife belongs to such a category then this could be a good reason for why your wife hits you.
She hits you because she gets overly excited and can’t keep her composure. Or maybe she’s very passionate about some topic and when you discuss it, she can’t help but feel the energy running through her veins and end up hitting you out of excitement when the conversation gets heated.
However, the kind of hitting due to the excitement is quite different from the quarrel and is usually instantly followed by an apology as if the person got back to senses.
5. Your Wife Is Suffering From ADHD
Though ADHD is common among children, however, many adults are also affected by it.
ADHD is an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder that makes the affected person seem restless, panicky, impulsive, or trouble paying attention.
According to research, the disorder persists into 60%-70% of the adulthood of affected children.
If your wife happens to be one of them, then no wonder why your wife hits you.
When you would converse with your wife normally, she won’t be able to pay attention due to ADHD and is likely to get frustrated as it goes on.
She’ll also have trouble multitasking and other similar things and all these small elements will just keep adding up, filling up your wife with frustration and stress inside.
And as they say, the needle broke the camel’s back, you seem to show up at the wrong place at the wrong time and get hit by your wife. Unlucky!
What To Do If My Wife Hits Me
If your wife hits you, it can be a really provoking and frustrating experience, therefore needs to be handled with a lot of patience.
However, the following points are here to help you:
1. Observe The Baseline Behavior of Your Wife
The very first thing you need to do that will establish the fact whether your wife is hitting you on purpose or there is some other matter is to observe her baseline behavior.
Try analyzing how she navigates throughout the day. Does she exhibit frustration and similar attributes?
If yes, then it means some other thing is bothering her and you just fall victim to her due to being an easy target.
At least, you can now be sure she doesn’t hold any ulterior motives towards you but you need to dig down the bothering issue and help her address it.
2. Understand The Situation
The second step is to analyze the situation you are having.
What’s the context? Did she have any accident recently of some sort or a fight with someone?
If that’s the case and you wonder why does my wife hit me, it’s because she was bottled up with recent circumstances. However, her hitting you is absolutely not acceptable but at least you now know the culprit and it’s nothing personal.
3. Analyze Her Behavior with Others
This step is important since it will act as a test if your wife is trying to manipulate you by playing the negative reinforcement card you could see earlier.
If her behavior with everyone is fine and it’s only you who is having a hard time with her, then good chances are she’s after you and is cooking something inside. Then you should be cautious of her! As you don’t know what might come next.
4. Have An Open Conversation with Your Wife Using An ‘I’ Attitude
Now you have some idea of the background, let’s now confront your wife head-on.
Gently but firmly ask her about her abusive actions and tell her you find it very disturbing and not acceptable at all.
However, most people mess up on this step and an argument breaks out but you don’t have to as there’s a trick for you.
Use an ‘I’ attitude as you explain your situation. Don’t say that she was mean to hit you rather say you get hurt through her actions.
This way, she won’t feel attacked personally but will realize the consequences of her actions and their effect on you. You’ll also be able to effectively state your situation without ambiguity.
5. Seek Help from A Professional
If you tried everything, and still your wife hits you, then maybe something more serious lingers inside your wife and won’t be fixable by your own effort.
You’ll need to resort to a therapist that will analyze your situation and will pinpoint the problem of why you are having trouble with your wife.
However, this step generally won’t be required in most cases and may come into play when the case is a complicated one which is rare.
Conclusion
You’ve finally made it to the end of the article, ‘Why does my wife hit me’.
You now know some of the most common but generally overlooked reasons your wife hits you. However, these require you to be patient given the sensitive nature of the situation. Any mishandling on your part can escalate the situation and make matters worse.
You need to first relax, calm down your emotions and analyze the situation with a third-person perspective with as much skepticism as possible.
You then could see different tips on solving your situation if you find yourself in this unfortunate situation. These tips will also help you uncover the matter layer by layer and make things clear to you. The more you can narrow it down, the easier it will be for you to address the actual issue.
Which one of the tips do you think will be the most effective if someone finds himself in such a situation? Let us know in the comments below!
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