Do you feel like you’re giving your 100%, meeting deadlines, and outperforming your colleagues, yet your boss still gives you a tough time? It’s natural to wonder, “Why is my boss so hard on me?”
There could be some genuine reasons you can’t see or some sort of game being played. Maybe he is holding a grudge against you or even secretly wants you to quit.
But don’t worry, in this article, we will provide strategies to uncover the truth and take necessary actions to fix the problem effectively and impress your boss effortlessly.
Ready to dive? Let’s move!
Why is my boss so hard on me? – Potential Reasons
There could be multiple reasons of why you could be facing tough time from your boss. There could be a possibility that your boss is belittling you on purpose or some other personal matter.
Since we don’t know why is your boss hard on you, we will try to cover the possibilities from all directions. Starting with genuine reasons and then moving towards underlying politics.
1. You don’t perform according to the preference of your boss
Why is my boss so hard on me can be easily boiled down to working not according to the preference of your boss.
We are neither blaming neither saying you are an underperformer.
You could be doing everything right and still have your boss give you different treatment than others.
The reason is, the work you are doing and the way you are doing it would be perfect in its own sense, but it’s not how your boss wants.
Let’s say you are very punctual and report to your boss on time. Even though it is a very appreciable trait to be diligent about your work but you’re boss maybe is a bit of an easy goer and likes to keep it casual.
Being very much on time might not be his thing. And since you report to him in a very punctual manner, he has to drag himself to entertain and that might be putting him off.
According to psychology, we like people who are like us. And since you have a nature opposite to that of your boss, he’s trying to push you back as a way to release his frustration.
How to get along with your boss
Getting along with people specially your superiours can be challenging, and to make your boss like you, you will have to devise a strategy to get along with him.
The most important things you can do in this respect are:
- Identify the values of your boss. Observe what he likes and what he doesn’t.
- When dealing with your boss, talk to him in his language. Speak his words, mirror his values and he will be a fan of you.
- Observe how he behaves around others. Is there anyone in particular with whom he has very good chemistry? if so, observe that person and see what traits he has. Is he an easy goer or punctual? Then incorporate those values into your behavior.
- Learn to be adaptive and flexible when dealing with your boss and colleagues.
2. He Sees You as The Special One
What? If am I the special one then why is my boss so hard on me?
Well, yes, it is surprising that why would he give you a tough time if he sees you as someone special?
He knows about his team. He is aware of the potential of everyone and knows about your capabilities and wants to test your limits.
He may not find your teammates worthy enough to spend time and invest so much energy therefore he remains laid back in their matters.
But for you, he thinks you are something different and have the potential of being so he is just testing you so you could hone yourself more.
There is a story that summarizes this quite well.
Once there was a coach of baseball who would be quite harsh on one particular candidate. He would make him do long drills and also scrutinize closely.
He would also evaluate him very strictly while would remain laid back for the rest of the team.
That candidate didn’t find it fair and finally, one day confronted his coach about why was he so harsh on him while lenient with the rest of the team.
The coach smiled and then told him that he doesn’t see his teammates making it into the national team as they don’t have that much competency.
But he saw a spark in this particular candidate and was trying to push him to his limits as he knew he had the material to make it to the national team.
How to know if your boss sees you as special one?
You would need to find out if your boss really sees you as special.
Use the following steps to know If that’s the case:
- Notice the nonverbal cues your boss gives you. If he gives you a tough time in the form of assigning you a hard task but seems to be appreciative through his nonverbal cue is a good indicator that he is testing you.
- If he appears friendly or neutral outside the work environment is a good indicator that he doesn’t hold anything personal with you.
- You hear good remarks about yourself from someone outside your team. It’s a good indicator that your boss is content with you but only gives you a tough time to hone your skills.
However, you need to keep up with the expectations to make your boss like you further and improve your working relationship.
3. He sees you as a threat
You did everything in a great manner with high accuracy, handling everything smoothly and delivering results with ease.
Instead of praise, you got harsh treatment and began to doubt yourself, ‘Why is my boss so hard on me? Did I do something wrong?’
You wanted praise for your hard work and that expectation is very natural when you gave your 100%. But try to see things from the perspective of your boss.
Then smooth and accurate delivery of your work even though impressed your boss. But he got impressed so much that he began to be threatened by you.
He thinks of you as someone so good who can replace him one day. He is getting insecure about his position which is a very predictable behavior of someone feeling threatened by his team.
He is giving you a hard time as a way to bring you down and also satisfy his ego.
How to handle an insecure boss?
Take following measures to deal with an insecure boss.
- First and foremost, don’t try to be too efficient. It is only making him insecure about his position.
- Before initiating any activity, ask your boss for suggestions and instructions. It will appeal a great deal to him, preventing him to trigger his insecurities and also soothe his ego.
- Whatever tasks you carry out, do them with marginal errors to appear vulnerable. It will make your insecure boss to be easy on you.
To make your boss like you who happens to be an insecure person is a bit difficult as you need to step very carefully not to trigger his insecurities.
4. He is playing favorites
If you are wondering why is my boss so hard on me, then you should definitely look out if your boss is playing favorites at least once.
We, humans, tend to prefer our favorite people in our social circle, workplace, and the like. It generally happens due to favoritism bias.
Favoritism bias simply means we view our favorite people in high regard and bigger spotlight. They appear to us perfect and more capable.
That’s why we have seen people trying to build businesses with their friends only to split sometimes later or fail altogether.
Why did it happen? Because they were influenced by favoritism bias and preferred emotional illusion over skill.
Back to the main topic. Your boss could also be the victim of this bias.
His favorites are appearing to him as bigger than life while you are being belittled.
How to cope with your boss playing favorites
There are two approaches to address this. One is to bring awareness to your boss and help him open his eyes to favoritism bias.
But this can backfire. When your team members will become aware of this, they will try to sabotage you and you will be most likely outnumbered.
The second way is the subtle one. It will enable you to make your boss like you without raising attention.
- Since your boss is playing favorites, it signals favoritism bias is his loophole. We will deal with him in his manner.
- Try building rapport with your boss to enter in his good books. Observe his values, how he behaves, and such then try mirroring those values back to him.
- Identify what challenges your boss is facing then try helping him with those. Since you are filling his weak spots, he will want you to stick with him.
- You will slowly begin to slip into his favorite books. The reason for getting in his favorite books should be to at least get the recognition of the work you deserve for your efforts. However, we suggest you not do this for personal gains, to harm others, or to turn your boss against your team members.
5. He uses coldness as a form of control
Fear of the unknown is dreadful, and we humans like to be in control.
Some strive to exercise control in the form of micromanagement, some do it through influence or dictation.
More or less, people always try to exert control around themselves, in their private lives with their partners, in their social circle with their friends, or their in workplace with their colleagues.
One more way to control masses is by being a little bit cold. It may happen subconsciously or deliberately as well.
When someone is being cold, he is creating a feeling of lack of interest and emotional detachment.
The target person will try to fill the gap by being extra attentive and will try to invest more which is exactly the objective in the first place.
For example, when we are young, our parents behave coldly when we do something they don’t like.
Since we depend upon them and that coldness is like abandonment to us, we fear this and make sure not to be disobedient.
Your boss could also be using this to exercise control over you and yield more output and effort out of you.
How to deal with your boss playing cold
Since we have to keep things professional, we will have to deal with this problem smartly and make your boss like you in no time.
- Try observing if your boss behaves like this with everyone or only with you. If he’s like this with everyone, it generally means it’s his baseline behavior.
- Try to notice when this coldness appears, at what time, and when doing what. It will narrow down things so you can target that particular instant.
- Once you have identified that instant, keep your cool at that moment, and don’t be fooled by the coldness of your boss. When faced with it, be assertive about your efforts. Generally, such sort of controlling tactic is very shallow, and when faced with resistance, loses its power for the most part.
- One smart way is to know exactly what task your boss gave you and what he expects. When he’s instructing you about it, write it down and then repeat it to him in the end and ask whether it’s all. He’ll generally say yes. Later on, when he tries to be cold about it later on and tries to belittle you, pull out that diary and remind him of his approval.
A controlling boss can be challenging to deal with.
But you should remember that such a form of control depends upon communication gaps; sometimes they are created on purpose to play the game.
Your job of being assertive and keeping everything in a written record is a way of closing this communication gap and nullifying the controlling behavior.
FAQ
Conclusion
In this article, one common and relevant question, why is my boss so hard on me was broken down into potential reasons with steps to overcome those and make your boss like you.
The list of reasons covered was limited, but the psychology shown was general and fundamental. If you get a grasp of it, you may use it to your advantage in a different form.
Also, the strategies to overcome such challenges were exhibited in a way to encourage looking at even the most challenging problems and breaking them down in a logical manner.
Then take subtle seemingly small steps to overcome the challenges smoothly and easily.
All these steps will make you a master strategist and rational thinker.
If you have any queries, feedback, or suggestions regarding the content you can tell us in the comments below. We will get to you promptly.
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