Why Are Women So Controlling? Unraveling the Mystery

Have you ever wondered “Why are women so controlling?” Why wouldn’t you, given the prevailing perception of society for years?

Sometimes this stereotype is portrayed as jokes or even in explaining the relationship dynamics. There might be some truth attached to it but it is important to understand the dynamics behind it since some form of it is vital for our survival as a species.

So, in this article, you will uncover why women seem so controlling and why it happens.

You will also learn simple yet effective tips to navigate this seemingly complicated dynamic effectively.

So, without further ado, let’s get started.

Why Are Women So Controlling

Vote now on a single question to see other’s responses

Do you find your female partner controlling your choices?

Frequently – my choices often need her approval

Sometimes – we discuss decisions together

Rarely – we each make our own choices

Never – I have full autonomy over my decisions

None

Time’s up

Why Are Women So Controlling?

Men and women can both exhibit controlling tendencies. But here we are interested in exploring the common stereotype, “Why are women so controlling”.

There could be countless reasons for women to act controlling on purpose, like:

• She wants to tease you, so she keeps nagging you about taking the trash out.
• She repeatedly forces you to pick the restaurant she prefers because she isn’t a fan of your taste.
• She is mad at you for an unknown reason and therefore wants to devalue your opinion.

But that’s not the focus of this article since we are interested in uncovering what instincts tick women to act controlling.

So let’s unravel this instinctual mystery together.

1. Securing Offspring’s Survival

In the context of understanding the dynamics behind “why are women so controlling,” it’s important to consider the influence of evolution.

Throughout human evolution, men have traditionally played the roles of hunters and providers. This is often depicted in movies.

They are also physically stronger than women and can better protect themselves.

On the other hand, women:

• have been involved in raising and taking care of their offspring.
• have high emotional energy, which is needed in abundance to connect with the offspring on a deeper level and nurture them.

In the cave times, they relied on the male partner to provide for them and also protect them from other males. The woman needed to control the male to keep him from abandoning them since their survival depended upon it.

This has been passed to us through the genes that a woman will subconsciously control her partner to secure her offspring’s future.

Even though women are self-sufficient now, the long-lasting effects of past gender expectations remain.

2. Protective Instincts

How will you handle a matter if you invest enormous sums in it? Of course, you’ll monitor it closely and intervene if you find something not quite right.

That’s also the case with women. Investments are not limited to money; they also include time and energy.

In this context, women invest more in their offspring than men. Like:

• Women endure physical burden during pregnancy, which includes psychological and hormonal changes.
• They have the biological capacity to breastfeed their infants.
• Frequently, they take the primary role of providing emotional support and comfort to their children.
• In many societies, women are traditionally the caregivers, tending to the everyday basic needs of their children.

Due to the large amount of investments in their time, energy, physical, and physiological resources, they are more cautious about the security of their relationships.

Even if they get a false positive hint about the instability of their relationship, they are more likely to become defensive which often manifests itself as a controlling behavior.

So the next time you wonder why are women so controlling, the answer may lie in their instincts.

3. Securing Reproductive Competition

What do you think about the competition to find a suitable partner in this era? Tough, isn’t it?

Competition for suitable partners was even fiercer in our ancestral environment, where resources and means to secure a fit mate were scarce.

If a woman managed to get a suitable mate, they would nevertheless face competition from other females.

This risk implied them to act and react in specific manners, which may manifest in the form of a control controlling behavior.

Even in the current times, the jealousy triggered by the presence of other females can prompt her to act in a controlling manner, especially if the woman is insecure.

• She may ask her partner to not go to the party as she anticipates pretty women to be there.
• She may become insecure if a female colleague spends too much time with her partner.
• She may not like the presence of other females on his social media.

4. Advancing Their Interest

To find out why are women so controlling, we can get some help from Petyr Baelish from Game of Thrones.

When explaining what he learned from the duel with Ned, he says:

Baelish didn’t possess the brute strength of mountain or hound and hence resorted to mind games and other manipulation tactics to find his way.

Though it’s an extreme example, it holds to some degree in the case of women.

They have evolved to avoid direct confrontations and conflicts and prefer to use smart ways to find their way.

To influence their partners, they are likely to incline towards a controlling behavior to steer the decision in their direction.

They may not even know they are doing it but that’s have evolved to compensate for their lack of brute strength.

5. Forging Alliances

Alliance is a powerful tool. It’s a great way to protect your interests, increase your resources, and gain support.

This had been the case in our ancestral environment, where they relied heavily on social groups for survival.

The women benefited greatly from resource sharing with other women and seeking mutual.

Over the thousands of years, women have developed to be more communal and cooperative than men. It is generally observed that a woman will discuss a matter with her female circle before arriving at any conclusion.

• She might be facing some challenges in her relationship and will discuss it with her female friends before making any decisions.
• She wants to take some initiative but will ask her sisters whether she should do it or not.
• She’ll pick a dress that she sees is desirable by other females too.

The tendency to resort to communal cooperation can manifest in the controlling behavior on the part of women. She will instinctively try to persuade her partner to act in ways that will align with the communal values and objectives. And this evolutionary instinct is another reason why women are so controlling.

How To Deal with The Controlling Behavior of a Woman

We’ve explored several evolutionary reasons that can make women so controlling. And since it is happening on the subconscious level of a woman, she isn’t to be blamed for it rather that’s how she is designed to operate.

But that doesn’t mean it should come at a cost to you. To deal with the controlling behavior of a woman, you can make use of the following tips and make your life much easier.

1. Don’t Take It Personally

A lot of people tend to blame themselves if they encounter controlling behavior from a woman. But it only makes you mentally ill and doesn’t help you with your problem either.

• When you feel she’s controlling, remind yourself of the reasons above why women are so controlling. It will help you to not feel the burden of blame.
• Stop being panicked by the circumstances and keep your head cool. Letting yourself be consumed pushes you into tunneling vision due to your meta-cognition.

Our objective here is to prevent you from being succumbed to drama and prepare you for the actual remedy.

2. Follow This Simple Trick

Since the women have evolved to act controlling subconsciously, they don’t know themselves they are doing it and need to be realized.

There’s no better way to do it than communicating tactfully because going the aggressive route only increases resistance and makes things tense further.

• If she’s controlling your choices lately, ask her to have a sit down as you need to discuss something.
• Ask her if she believes everyone has a right to make their choices. She’ll definitely say ‘Yes’. Doing this is important as it will set a tone for her.
• Tell her unfortunately this hasn’t been the case with you lately. You had to compromise on your choices and feel bad about it.
• She will feel a pressure to reciprocate since humans subconsciously believe they are moral and good and they try to hush anything that brings their morality into question.

But you should make sure to address the issue itself and not direct your blame on her as a person.

3. Break The Chain

The last step is more of a reinforcement. When you convince her of her wrong and she acknowledges it, you may think they everything now is fine.

But her controlling behavior is likely to bounce back if you only stop here.

Here’s a neat trick.

• According to psychological research by Robert B. Cialdini, humans are likely to be consistent in their behavior. Whatever trend is set, they prefer to stick with it.
• Use it to your advantage. Every time you are required to make a choice, don’t remain silent. Always make a choice even if you don’t want it.
• It will set a trend that you make your own choices and that will become her consistent behavior.

This is about making the right use of human nature and tendencies to create a healthy environment for everyone around you.

Conclusion

This brings us to the end of the article.

You would now have a good understanding of why are women so controlling. Both men and women can exhibit controlling behavior but the case of women is a bit different.

Women have evolved throughout thousands of years to act controlling towards others for some vital reasons. These could be ensuring their offspring’s survival, protecting self-interest, securing reproductive competition, or forging alliances.

We have uncovered these reasons in great depth in this article.

Though women exhibit this controlling behavior subconsciously, it doesn’t mean it should come at a cost to you. To address this, we included some simple yet effective tips that will help you deal with the controlling behavior of a woman.

The goal of understanding human nature is to know our tendencies and create a safe and healthy environment for everyone around us. This way you will be able to advance your interest not only in an ethical but effective way.