What to say when someone apologizes over text?
Apologies can be a tricky business. When you receive an apology from someone, it can feel daunting. You may wonder, what to say, what words to choose. A simple act of responding feels like forever and you can’t seem to settle anywhere.
But it becomes a lot easier if you know the qualities and ingredients that make the response to apologies elegant. That is what you are going to learn here. You will know the secret sauce of a good response and see some dialogue examples to up your game.
So, let’s uncover the keys to turning these moments of reconciliation into opportunities for deepening connections and understanding.
Apology over Text Vs In-Person
An apology in person is always going to sound more sincere and remorseful than on the phone. But you should give them a benefit of doubt here as they may not have immediate access to you or feel comfortable facing you due to being guilty.
However, you can use the following pointers to deduce if the apology is sincere or just an excuse hosting ulterior motives underneath.
What makes an apology sincere?
- Timing. A sincere apology will mostly be right after the conflict. We tend to be the most remorseful when the conflict is fresh. It’s difficult to digest that someone who had been in hiding for quite some time suddenly emerges and sends you an apology over text. Though the apology can be sincere, the chances are slim.
- Acknowledgment. The apology will have guilt and acceptance on the part of the oppressor. They will acknowledge that they did wrong. Words like “IF” which signal ambiguity have narrow chances of being a genuine apology.
- Commitment to change. The apology is of no good if the apologizer doesn’t aim to disband their ill methods. A sincere will communicate the commitment to change on their part.
- Expression of regret. Regret and remorse are the secret sauces when it comes to a sincere apology. The real essence of the apology lies in it and if someone’s apology is lacking the regret, just forget about it. It’s nothing but sweet words just for the sake of sweet words.
Constituents Of a Graceful Response to An Apology
The following are the main components that should be present when you want to respond gracefully to an apology.
Give Them Undivided Attention
This one is the most important, if it is present then everything else will follow along itself.
You first should understand something. Most people are very protective when it comes to their self-image. They’ll go to lengths for the sake of their nose even if they know they’re wrong.
However, when someone apologizes over text or in person, they are necessarily putting themselves in a vulnerable spot (props to them). Their self-respect is sitting on the edge of the cliff.
The most important thing you should do is to first make themselves comfortable by giving them attention and hence pulling them out of the high-stakes situation.
Believe me, they’ll secretly appreciate your act of maturity, and your bond with them will improve.
Stay Clear of Sarcasm
If you’re to apologize to someone and they can’t stop being sarcastic, how will you feel?
Appreciating you would be the last thing on their list and they’d rather find your act belittling and rude.
Maybe you’re looking to be in a playful mood but doing it when someone is apologizing to you can never be worst. So please, stay away from sarcasm if you want to respond gracefully to an apology.
Empathize With the Apologizer
Since the delicate dynamics of the apology make the apologizer feel vulnerable and away from home, an empathy-loaded response can bring them back.
There’s no hard and fast rule when it comes to using words when responding to an apology but you should make the apologizer feel you can relate to them. We’ll see more on this when discussing examples.
Resist The Urge to Bite Back
When someone apologizes to you, it would be because they wronged you in some way and it can be very tempting to react and counter-attack in such a situation.
But it’s not worth it. If someone genuinely is remorseful for their actions, you should let the past go. Of course, it doesn’t mean you should forget everything and give them another chance to wrong you.
You should remember what and how they wronged you to avoid them damaging you again in the future, but if they show remorse for their ill acts, accept their apology and be wary in the future.
Appreciate Them for Apologizing
Given the delicate dynamics of an apology, your appreciation for them to apologize goes a long way. They will feel good and fulfilled as for them, putting their ego at stake was worth it.
Drop An Anchor for Future Communication
When you’ve accepted the apology of the person, let them know that you appreciate their act of self-reflection and let them know that you believe they won’t repeat the action.
Not only it gives their apology a happy ending but also gives them a subtle message that you won’t tolerate any ill-doing again in the future.
Here’s What to Say When Someone Apologizes Over Text
So far, you could see how to respond gracefully to an apology. Now let’s look at some examples of it.
When They Seriously Wronged You
It’s quite common to have conflicts with the people in your life. But if they did something seriously wrong, be sure to let them know that you won’t tolerate it again.
To make it smoother, sandwich your concern between sweet words.
- Them: (receiving their apology text)
- You: That’s a good gesture you feel bad for your actions. To be honest, I was really hurt and couldn’t have imagined giving an ear to the apology. But since you genuinely have regret, I’m letting it go but please be careful next time.
When They Are Over-Apologizing
Some people begin to over-apologize which makes both parties uncomfortable in the process. To combat this, try introducing humor without making them feel belittled.
- Them: (receiving a series of clingy apologies)
- You: Oh c’mon! Yes, you hurt me but not this much that you won’t stop apologizing. I won’t accept it again if you keep doing it though!
When Their Apology Seems Insincere
Not everyone will be sincere in their apology, some might be doing it out of peer pressure.
Also, when someone apologizes over text instead of in person, it already lies lower on the sincerity scale. But if someone seems insincere on text too, chances are they don’t have any remorse.
Such an apology will most probably be short and ambiguous. Just give them a short answer and go on with your day.
- Them: (their text pops up) I’m sorry if I hurt you.
- You: “Ok”
When They Accidentally Hurt You Without Realizing It
Accidents happen in life and sometimes, someone may hurt you without realizing it. Such an apology will always have an element of shock and a little bit of extra energy because the person will realize out of the blue that their actions ended up hurting intentionally.
- Them: I’m so sorry, I never realized I hurt you! (Don’t be surprised if it has CAPS on)
- You: That’s fine, no problem. You didn’t do it on purpose so don’t feel this way.
When The Apology Is Overly Formal
A formal apology is likely to come your way in a formal setting. Like for your coworkers. If someone close to you apologizes this way, it signals some uncomfortableness on their part and they are using formalness to give the apology a humorous touch and make it light-hearted.
- Them: “I humbly apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused.”
- You: (If it’s a friend acting humble, return the energy in a witty manner) “You’re forgiven, but next time, please apologize with a bit more drama.
When The Apology Is Accompanied by Excuses
When an apology comes with excuses, it can dilute the sincerity of the apology, making it seem as if the person is trying to justify and rationalize their actions to minimize the perceived impact.
Manipulators tend to use this tactic to make the victim feel their actions were not as bad. However, not every case will be with malicious intent, as in some cases, the excuse could be genuine, like due to circumstances out of one’s control.
So be sure to consider the context before jumping to a conclusion.
- Them: Sorry for shouting at you last night. I was feeling stressed.
- You: Be sure to not repeat such actions, as being stressed isn’t a valid justification to hurt someone.
When The Apology Is Too Brief or Vague
When the apology is too brief, it could mean several things. It could signal that:
The person doesn’t fully understand how they have hurt you.
- Them: “I’m sorry for whatever I did to upset you.”
- You: “It seems like you’re not sure what you’re apologizing for. It’s important to me that you understand why I felt hurt.”
They want to manipulate and control their narrative.
- Them: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
- You: “It’s not just about my feelings. It’s about what happened. Can we discuss the specifics of the situation?”
They are feeling psychological discomfort apologizing.
- Them: “Sorry for everything.”
- You: “It means a lot to hear you apologize. Could we talk about what ‘everything’ entails? It might help us move forward.”
Conclusion
There we had a look at what to say when someone apologizes over text. One thing to remember is that responding to an apology is a one-size-fits-all affair as there are various and very diverse factors behind the scenes.
Who is the apologizer? When and how did they apologize? Did they feel remorseful or a little but too vague? That’s all the questions we have addressed in this blog post. You could see guidelines on crafting a graceful response to an apology and dialogue examples to improve your understanding.
So, that’s all from my side for this article. Until next time.
Peace!
