5 Easy Steps to Talk to Someone Who Interprets Everything As An Attack

How on earth do you talk to someone who interprets everything as an attack? That’s a tricky question most of us have to go through sometimes in our lives.

We meet people who belong to different backgrounds with different tastes, and sometimes things get very tough when dealing with them.

Sometimes, dropping your guard and selflessly making an effort to navigate a difficult situation won’t prove to be fruitful since the other person will just interpret your words in the wrong way.

So, how do you talk to such a person? Worry no more, as by the end of this article you will know it all which actually works. You’ll be able to put him in his place without creating any drama.

So, without wasting any time, let’s move.

Why Do People Interpret Our Words as An Attack?

This is the real deal: why would anyone interpret our words as an attack when we never meant it in the first place? This may sound difficult but is actually quite easy to understand.

The human mind remains in hypnosis for the first 7 years of its life. This era acts like a sponge to us. Whatever experiences we may go through, they shape our mindset and personality. And for our whole life, we keep on projecting our early experiences to the later stages of life.

Everyone views reality through the lens of their early projection. It doesn’t matter how pure the outside is; it is going to seem ugly if the lens is dirty.

So don’t blame yourself if people can’t see the good in you. It’s just that these poor souls are suffering from their own reality.

How Do You Talk to Someone Who Interprets Everything as An Attack? 5 Easy Steps.

All the steps mentioned are tried, tested and science-backed methods that will work for anyone.

They are subtle in approach but highly effective and will help you deal with the situation without restraining your relationship.

Now let’s take a look at the blueprint to talk to someone who interprets everything as an attack.

1. Let Them Vent Out

For the person who interprets everything as an attack, the most important step is to let him vent his frustration. The truth is most of us have a complaint that we feel unheard and misunderstood. It feels as if no one tries to understand what we are going through and hence become very frustrated.

Once this frustration fires up, we go on the defensive mode and reject everything that is said to us, doesn’t matter how true or productive it is.

So what you have to do here is to let this person vent his frustration but don’t counter him anywhere during this phase. Instead, actively listen to what he is saying and even acknowledge him without necessarily agreeing with him.

This act of yours will remove him off the defensive and make him feel heard at least. It’s like preparing him to feel light and empty of his thoughts so you may talk to him and he actually listens and understands.

2. Tell Them Conviction Isn’t the Truth

Now comes the second part.

You would have heard a lot of drama by now; it is time to give that person some cold facts.

Someone who interprets everything as an attack generally does it with a lot of conviction. He may even begin to throw tantrums or try to overpower you with defensive energy or play victim.

What you have to do here is let him know that pulling off this emotional roller coaster doesn’t mean that he is right, and it’s even a sign of guilt-tripping.Just because you said it emotionally doesn’t mean you are right.

It may come off as surprising to him since he didn’t expect it as a response to his effort of guilt-tripping. Time for the next step.

3. Ask Them Why They Think This Way

But this time, they will be feeling a bit confused and surprised since you hit them with a cold fact. They might even be feeling a bit intimidated by it.

At this stage, they will be suggestible to what you say and will likely answer honestly.Simply ask them with empathy what is the reason they interpret your saying in a hostile manner. What is the actual reason?

They will most likely be like: “I just know it or felt it”.

You have to keep them focused on this “What is the reason”. They will soon realize that they are basing their behavior on something that is in their mind and a sort of illusion.

4. Guide Them Through the Chain of Events

By this time, they will be at least skeptical about their own argument if not fully convinced are already eager to listen to you to know the truth.

And it will go like this. You tell him that there are two versions of possibilities: one is yours and one is his. Then connect each one with the current scenario step by step. For the sake of understanding, let’s have a rough understanding:

His version: He thinks that you are not making him your business partner because you no longer want him as your friend.

Your version: You don’t want him as your business partner because you both live in different states and it will not be feasible for both of you to coordinate effectively.

Now you say to him, “Had I thought of you as someone, not my friend, I should not even be discussing my business with you in the first place”.

Basically, you have to make him understand that the cues and clues that are necessary to be present to make his version true are missing. And then proceed to give your explanation with sufficient evidence.

5. Reinforce Your Argument with This Trick

As the last nail in the coffin for someone who interprets everything as an attack, you let them know that you are not what he thinks. If it would be as easy as it seems. Here’s a trick.

You say: “What you are thinking certainly has a possibility but …”.

Then go on and repeat your argument with major clues for the final time. This step is very important as it will reinforce and solidify your argument and end the conversation on a firm note.

All the previous steps would have opened his mind but he might still be a bit skeptical and would want to argue to make a comeback, but this step will clear his doubts and make him fully understand your point.

The reason it works is because you first acknowledge the possibility of his version. It puts his defenses down and when it’s followed by yours, his mind confirms what you had said in the previous steps.

Case Study: Talk to Someone Who Interprets Everything as An Attack

Here is the case study, covering all the steps mentioned above.

He: “Hey, I was wondering if you could help me move this weekend.”

You: “I’m sorry, I already have plans for this weekend.”

He: “Oh, I see. I guess I’ll just have to do it all by myself then. You know, like always. And sometimes it feels as if you don’t really consider me as your friend and it sounds very one-sided.” (emotionally)

(Listen attentively, nodding)

You: “Well, first of all, acting sadly doesn’t make you right. By the way, what makes you think that not being able to help you move means I don’t consider you a friend? Having plans for the weekend is quite common. Isn’t it?”

He: “Yes, it’s common but I can just feel it; you don’t consider me as a friend.”

You: “You should again ask yourself why you think this way. If I didn’t consider you as my friend, I would not be bothering to explain all of this to you in the first place. And being busy on the weekend doesn’t mean that one has to abandon his friend for it.”

He: …

You: “I understand what you are saying. People generally distance themselves from the people they no longer want to be with. It’s bothering you, right? But I’m already occupied this weekend with commitments. If you could postpone your arrangements, I could help you then or I may refer someone else to you to help you.”

Conclusion

Great! You have made it to the end. It means you are already serious about doing what you want to do.

You now know the blueprint to talk to someone who interprets everything as an attack.Dealing with such a person can be tricky but with strategy and patience, you can address him effectively without restraining your friendship.

What’s your take on this? Let us know in the comments below!

Have you ever encountered a situation where you tried to put your words only for the other person to take it negatively?